Trying to pull my head out of the clouds - an update from the last month:
I reached a personal milestone; I finished my 500th publication in June. Back when I first started doing this getting to 500 was my goal, I'm not sure why. I guess the rationale was that at 500 everything would be OK: I would have enough pieces available for enough combinations that a lull in sales wouldn't have too much of an effect on my bottom line, or that there would be enough variety in the catalog to ensure a stream of new customers even if I couldn't crank out new stuff fast enough for the regulars. As every small goal or milestone approaches I find myself thinking that this is when I will finally turn the corner. I'm practically giddy with anticipation. As 500 approached I even made a frantic push to get there faster. This is it; this is when things get easier. When I finally snap back to reality I'm surprised by how long it has taken me to realize that this is not the case. It will always be a struggle, of course. 500 is just like 499, which will be just like 600, or 1000, or wherever I decide to stop. After all, how many folks out there play in chamber music groups? And how many of those play "classical" music? And how many of those are in the market for new music? And how many of those use the internet to find music? And how many of those will find something interesting in my catalog? And of those people how many will take a chance buying from someone they have probably never heard of? On and on. At that point it is way too easy to slip in to a stream of endless questioning. On the surface the questioning and self-examination appears useful, but then I realize that a couple of hours, or days, or weeks have gone by and I haven't gotten any work done. The guy I am when I work towards my silly goals is overly optimistic, quixotic, and probably delusional to a certain degree, but at least he is making something. I have to be content with that. Any questioning beyond "How can I be a better musician?" will lead to a complete stoppage; at that point trying to be a better musician or trying to make something worthwhile becomes impossible.
So, a thank you to everyone who has found (or will find) this odd little web site and decided (or will decide) to buy some music from me. And I send a big thank you to the regulars. That something I have a hand in making is useful or enjoyable to other musicians is a simple concept that I allow to sink in occasionally. Simply put, it's a nice feeling.
